Geek Gifts for Cyber Monday!

By raincoaster on November 30, 2015 • ( 2 )

Christmas Cats by tuija2005 on Flickr

Happy Cyber Monday, kittens! We’ve scoured the depths of the Internet (or at least those parts of it that will give us a kickback) for the finest in geek gift items. Let no man say we are not servicey at Cryptosphere Global HQ: it would hurt us, positively hurt us, if one of you had to actually leave the house before New Year’s.

Togetherness. There’s an app for that.

The ZHOL® Blade Runner Light Saber LED Flash Light Fashion Umbrella(Black) is a fun, practical pressie for the Star Wars fan in your life who isn’t afraid to let his/her light shine. For that very special cyberpunk we all keep on the down-low, there’s cool, see-through version as well.

Speaking of cyberpunk! Mirrorshades: The Cyberpunk Anthology Bibliophiles will, as always, be gifted with tomes of greater or lesser greatness, and it doesn’t get any greater than this, the 1988 anthology that started it all. More post-cyberpunk than retro-punk? Go for Rewired: The Post-Cyberpunk Anthology. It’s from 2007, so we should be due for another anthology in, oh, about thirty more years.

We’re suckers for novelty ANYTHING chez Cryptosphere; you should see my stack of “Goofy Greats” K-Tel vinyl! So naturally we thrilled to the thought of Novelty Computer Key Caps (8). Contains that all-important “BEER” cap.

Any other riders here? These literal Tail Lights are already in production (version 1, version 2 is waiting on some Kickstarter funding) and can significantly increase your safety when riding home after sunset. Already in use by some mounted units in the US, they have both a front and rear set of lights, controlled by remote so you don’t have to dismount. You can even change colours on the fly. Well worth it for less than $200! Full disclosure: we aren’t affiliates, we don’t get any kickbacks here, we just lurve these things.

Like scents? Like LEDs? Like saving 70% off list price? Then you’ll LOVE the Etekcity 300ml Ultrasonic Aromatherapy Essential Oil Diffuser with Cool Aroma Mist. It’s less than thirty bucks! Yes, it’s hella woo-woo, but it puts out cool, scented mist like a champ and can help turn your shambolic hacker cave into a 21st-Century Hacker Spa instead. Ohmmmmmmmmmm.

A small town where the people are friendly, the dogs are feral, the head of the school board is a mysterious glowing cloud above the Arby’s, and where every conspiracy theory is true. Welcome. To Night Vale.

Based on the incredibly popular podcast about a town that makes Twin Peaks look like Riverdale, this first Night Vale novel shot to the top of the Amazon rankings when it was first released; no, it actually shot to the top on pre-orders, shouldering Beyonce and Oprah and King James out of the road to muscle its way to the #1 spot faster than any book release including all of the Harry Potters, even the one where Dumbledore…well, spoiler alert.

Don’t know the podcast? Then there’s only one way to know if you’ll like this book: are you weird?

Yeah. I thought so. You are HERE, after all. Buy this damn book. Just buy it already.

For those of you (us) who just can’t get enough Night Vale, even though Cecil broke your (our) hearts by falling in love with that god. damn. scientist. with the perfect. perfect hair. there’s this lovely keepsake from the official Night Vale store that will help you soothe the savage breast, or at least let it pass out comfortably at home or behind the recycling bins at the mall. Whatever. Like you haven’t done that.

Okay, fair warning: I’m not even sure these really exist. Still: KAWAII! These are the Axent Cat Ear Headphones, brought to you by two Berkeley alums, and funded to the tune of over $3million on Indiegogo, they have a detachable boom mic for gaming, remote controlled LED accents, and yes, the little kitty ears are speakers. Kittens, how could I resist? We don’t get a cut of these sales, as again, we are not entirely sure the product exists. But then, we bought that outfit from Victoria’s Secret and we still don’t look anything like Stephanie Seymour. Hope is an investment.

Ultra light, ultra performance, ultra cool, that is the DPx (Dangerous Places Extreme) HEAT Hiker knife from Dangerous Place expert and war correspondent extraordinaire Robert Young Pelton. It’s not every reporter who has his own range of high-performance knives. But it’s okay, Kanye, you’ve got your sneakers. Sneakers are cool. I guess.

Anyhoodle, Pelton is something of a knife connoiseur and his DPx line features a great many great knives, including a machete that would have Crocodile Dundee running for the hills. It’s mostly sold-out already, which tells you how popular his stuff is. We sifted through what’s left and found this ghostly beauty. Nothing like a skyclad blade on a carabiner clipped to one’s belt to make one feel extra badass while taking the labradoodle for a quick pee. It, like everything else on his site, is on sale now, at $30 off.

Cyberpunk the RPG! Darkly humourous and a terrific excuse for a costume party, this RPG serves up fairly standard game play with a 90’s dystopian sheen. If you want something to really make you hate humanity, you want Illuminati, which happens to be my particular favourite and also on sale.

Especially the dirty version. You definitely don’t want to turn your back on your friends in this game!

I don’t know any men who regularly wear cufflinks (other than 007, of course, but we’re “on a break”) but if I did, I’d get them these Cyber Cufflinks.

Your favourite poker shark-slash-dubstep fanatic will love these Glitch Playing Cards. Pricy for playing cards, at $14, but a design like no other.

Yes, another book, but this one, Transcendence: The Disinformation Encyclopedia of Transhumanism and the Singularity , from the genre-defining cyberpunk nonfictionalist R.U. Sirius and Jay Cornell, does indeed transcend the cliche of default holiday gifts. You will enjoy this one. You will read it all the way through, and you will have fun doing it. And you will thank us later, kittens!

From the official WikiLeaks shop (that deal with Amazon having not worked out well for them) comes his and hers pre-shrunk cotton tees: men’s is by American Apparel, women’s is by Gildan, which sizes closer to the standard: AA’s women’s sizes are notoriously small. There are over 50 different items in the shop, mostly tees, and this is by far our favourite. For some reason the front page doesn’t show all of them, so poke through some tabs. Designs tend not to stick around; once they’re sold out, they’re gone, so grab them while you can. At $20 for the women’s $29 for the men’s, these are a great value as well as a great cause.

From the FreeAnons shop comes the #FreeAnons hand flag, 14″ x 11″ and only $10. You’ll make some revolutionary’s day when they come down the stairs and see this poking out of their stocking. The FreeAnons shop donates all profits to FreeAnons, and you get free stickers with every order! And no, we aren’t taking a cut of these sales.

From MyAnonStore (who not-incidentally is a business partner of ours) comes this Anonymous cowl/neckwarmer/Canadian hijab, useful in situations where it’s very cold, very dusty, or very illegal to wear a mask. Although of course they have tons of other offerings, including combo packs, when you just can’t decide what you want and you want it all.