You might think, with an average salary of $28,000, almost $10,000 above the median in town, that Ferguson, Missouri police might be able to supply the bare necessities for themselves. If the individual falls a little short, you (you socialist, you) might expect the force, with a 2014 supplies budget of $375,600 to make up the difference, anteing up for the little things that make doing the job a bit easier.
You’d be wrong.
Instead, the Ferguson Police Department, billing the city annually to the tune of $5,282,900, is formally soliciting donations from the public. According to Breitbart, the items requested include “hand and foot warmers, Chapstick, lotion, Dayquil, cough drops, Gatorade, and gift cards for hot meals. You can phone them at 314-267-0566 or 314-873-7968 to arrange donation; apparently they don’t want it in writing.
That’s right: The Ferguson Police Force is looking for a free lunch.
And free drugs: Dayquil is an entire suite of products which, if not used in accordance with the instructions, can cause nervousness, confusion, anxiety, irritability, sleeplessness, euphoria, or even hallucinations, out-of-body experiences, and death. It’s known to be used as a recreational substance by some presumably desperately bored adolescents.
I think we can all agree that the last thing the world needs is for Ferguson police to be confused, irritable, sleep-deprived, and hallucinating.
In the spirit of coming together as a community to help the needy on this Thanksgiving holiday, we at the Cryptosphere would like to do our part for the poor beat cops of Ferguson, Missouri, who apparently lack access to hot meals.
Here is a list of soup kitchens in Ferguson, Missouri:
1) The Northminster Food Voucher program dispenses food and vouchers on the third Wednesday of every month, so the popo will have to wait until December 17 for the next dispensation. Don’t forget to bring your pay stubs so the volunteers can make sure you qualify! Since the Northminster church closed, the program is being run out of the First Presbyterian Church of Ferguson, at 401 Darst Road. The church supports many different community initiatives; get the details, including how to donate, on its website.
2) Blessed Teresa of Calcutta Parish and School is, yes, named after THAT Teresa of Calcutta. From 9:30am to noon they provide a food pantry where the needy may stock up on staples. Additionally, they have many after-service social events centering around food, coffee, and so on. Provided the needy officers are parishoners, there is no reason they should not avail themselves of these amenities.
If those meagre two resources are not enough, perhaps Anonymous’ OpSafeWinter could organize something? We’d recommend any police officers partaking of such an offer to provision themselves with long spoons.
Happy Thanksgiving, all!
Featured Image via YouTube