Note: emails to ICANN’s security-ops team on this issue bounced. Yes, really.Keen observers of last night’s Horizon: Inside the Dark Web special may have noticed a split-second shot of this clipboard:

Clipboardsec

Clipboardsec

This clipboard contains instructions on accessing the high-security restricted areas of ICANN’s Virginia doom fortress office, as well as information on the devices used to update critical backbone infrastructure.

As televisions improve clarity and resolution, the threat posed by invited camera crews will only increase over time.

Threat Mitigation

However, advances in technology that help mitigate the threats posed by ClipboardSec vulnerabilities:

Clipboard

Clipboard

As you can see, this clipboard is equipped with an opaque metal cover which protects the contents from cameras, curious interns, and the intense bleaching effects of the sun. Such a cover acts as an effective mitigation of presently-identified threats, although the metal composition increases overall clipboard weight and may adversely affect user experience. Initial user feedback also reports that this solution is ineffective against both rain and coffee. (More research is needed).

Ongoing Research

Sadly, ClipboardSec vulnerabilities do not just affect the backbone of the internet, but the backbone of governments as well. Earlier this year, a critical document on the UK’s stance on the Russian invasion of Ukraine was revealed after a journalist with a camera took a picture from some ten meters away. Such events have identified a need for more research into opaque document covers and related technology.

Cameron clipboardsec fail

Cameron clipboardsec fail

Or, you know, just put it in a fucking folder.

As sysadmin Mike Graziano quipped, If I ever see the contents of your clipboard on television again I will shove it up your ass. As the modifier is left dangling this could be the contents, the clipboard or the television, depending on my mood.